Facts First

Yep, it's been a whole week. Saturday night I began barfing and didn't stop until Tuesday. I didn't want to get barf on my new laptop.

I officially started school this week. I have to admit, the homework and the new schedule could get in the way time to time of the blog. I will try hard to provide plenty of opportunities for you to get a dose of "feeling normal" as I continue to blog.

I decided to unofficially continue my series of "What Not To Do" since my brain continued to recall experiences long after the week was over.

However, I was heavily warned today. My sisters told me if I even blogged one time about them, they would start a blog only having to do with me.

Out of respect, I have decided to refrain from mentioning them in the blog but I will have you know it is not out of fear. Oh no! What would I be afraid of girls? I have already opened me and life up to laughter and criticism. What possibly could you say that would embarrass me? My whole life has been one big embarrassing moment! The entire premise of my blog is to make fun of...me.

If fact, it is such a grand time (making fun of me) that even I enjoy doing it.

Okay, back to things you should never do.

So my neighbor, her husband and I were outside talking one day. We were having a conversation about life in general. I was giving my opinion on something and used an analogy that I will never use again.

Unknowingly, when my neighbor's husband was five years old, he was hunting with some family members and got a hold of a gun and shot himself. The shot went straight down into his foot and shattered it. He used a prosthetic leg since the foot and lower leg never grew.

He was just telling me how nice it was that the kids were not on their bikes that day so he was not having to keep them out of the road and chase them down the street. He added that even if they asked, he was not going to let them get the bikes out.

So, one of the children came up and said they wanted to get the bikes out.

"I don't care..." he replied.

I laughed at him. "Geez Jeremy, what are you doing? You just shot yourself in the foot!"

He looked at me bewilderingly and turned to open the garage.

When he turned around, his wife threw a look and said, "Did you not know that he shot his leg off when he was little?"

Open mouth and insert foot (or prosthetic device) Amy, you idiot!

This was as brilliant as when I had told the doctors at the Christmas luncheon that the hospital had a "broader speculum" of issues to be addressed than the urgent care center did.

Disclaimer: please recall that I stated I was an Equal Opportunity Offender. I will make fun of anything. Life cannot always be serious people.....