A Week With the Freaks

So we started the week out with a holiday. It was Civil Rights Day or as we older folks know it, Martin Luther King Day.

My kids came home from school Friday with pictures of a black man they had learned about in school. Erika's was especially nice since she opted for the "one and only" shade of black Crayola crayon and did the whole face dark black except for the lips. For those, she chose the brightest red ever! It was a stunning rendition of Dr. King looking very distinguished in "drag".

Tuesday-We got a new cat a few months ago. Tye insists on taking her to bed every night and he shuts his door so she can't get out. He learned his lesson when he got to school on Tuesday. He came home and announced that Faatima (Tima, the cat) had pooped in his backpack that was on the closet floor. The backpack and the cat's poop went to school Tuesday with Tye. See, I would have been checking the bottom of my shoe all day...

Wednesday I picked up my new glasses since I will be returning back to school soon. I showed them to Tye that afternoon and he said, "Mom, please don't wear them! I'm begging you! This kid I know at school got glasses and ever sine then, his hair went bad and turned ugly!" I'm thinking I've got nothing to lose...

Wednesday night I bought the world's best sugar cookies. I have been on a 500 calorie a day diet for a few weeks and I thought I would just have one little bite of Erika's cookie. As soon as it hit my mouth, I demolished the rest of the large cookie in regular "cookie monster style" complete with the crumbs flying, sound effects and fingers trembling, in three seconds flat.

I proceeded to eat two more cookies that night, each four inches in diameter. I had a cookie for breakfast today and I when I realized they were gone (all eight of them) I went and bought more. I will be back on the diet again tomorrow, after I have eaten every last crumb.

This reminds me of a story....

I decided to have a house keeper come in a start cleaning my house. I decided I would not waste my time cleaning before the cleaning lady came and would suffer all embarassment of what she might find.

She pulled out my couch in the family room to vaccuum. Listed below are the items found shoved behind the couch:

• 26 single sides of the orea cookie minus the frosting which had been licked off each one
• 9 spoons
• 4 forks
• 6 empty Capri Sun pouches
• Approximately two packages of Ramen noodles with the seasoning powder sprinkled all over the noodles in attempt to create a yummy snack only to find disappointment
• Four Dolly Madison Chocolate Donut Gems with the waxy chocolate coating carefully nibbled off of each one leaving the dry crusted corpse of a donut
• One sweaty, oily, hard, shriveled piece of bologna dating at least back to the Mesopotamian Era
• A completely petrified black banana peel with 1/4 of the banana left at the bottom, also black and petrified. Oh, the sticker was still on it, lovely!
• A pair of scissors??????????? And some blonde hair....Hmmmm....
• A kitchen glass with the smoothie that I made her this last summer, still in the glass. I guess she didn't like the smoothie. This would explain the fruit flies we had a while back
• A plate with ranch dressing and ketchup dried on and the partial remains of one chicken nugget also from the Mesopotamian Era
• The whole bag of deli sliced mesquite turkey totally crusty and gross dated from September sometime.
• Some dry catfood
• A mousetrap
• pencil
• two pair of little girl panties
• Several pages of homework, crumpled, and clearly not finished or ever returned to school
• My giant butcher knife
• Wrappers and trash from various snacks and candy

Needless to say the culprit was easily identified. Before her sentencing, she was asked what she had to say for herself. Her reply, "Well, I guess that is what you get for sleeping in so much in the morning."