Fallacies

In English this week, we are learning to identify fallacies in literature and text. You remember these: Bandwagon appeal, Straw man, slippery slope, post hoc, non-sequitur, etc.

This got me thinking...of my own fallacies. Here are a few:

1. Stretching the Truth Fallacy- This is where you anticipate that the same stretch marks you acquired with your first pregnancy would darken with your second pregnancy. No, you actually get a whole set of new ones! But nice try.

2. Adverse Re actus Fallacy- This is where you give Benadryl to your toddler for the airplane ride and find that instead of getting sleepy, it actually makes her very hyper. Other airplane passengers do not like this.


3. Felinus Reclinus Fallacy- As soon as you get comfortable on the couch or recliner (and you have the perfect view of the t.v.) the cat will always come sit right on you and block the view.


4. Pectis Erectis Fallacy-This is when you loose weight and your once full breasts become saggy and look like an orange in the bottom of a tube sock.

5. Loogie hoc Fallacy- This is where for some physiological reason, men's saliva differs from women's because they constantly have to spit everywhere they go. . . and we don't.

6. You've Freakin Gotta Be Kidding Me Fallacy- This is when you painstakingly spend all week to find a sitter so you can have a night away from the crying babies. You nestle comfortably in your seat at the theatre with your extra-buttered popcorn just as a couple walks in with their infant carrier seat and fussy infant.

7. Private Pee-er Fallacy- This is where you are the only one in the bathroom and somebody comes in and chooses the stall right next to yours when there were ten others to choose from. (Men have silent stall code for this problem, can't we ladies?)


8. Intrusion Fallacy- Similar to the Private Pee-er Fallacy but when you are the only ones in a restaurant enjoying the privacy and somebody chooses to sit right on top you.

9. Straw Baby Fallacy- Similar to the Straw Man Fallacy of shifting the blame or finding a scape goat only it is when you use your baby or small child as the straw man for your own bodily functions in public. "Johnny, say excuse me!"

10. Manipulation Aggregation- This is when you tell your children that the devil drives the ice cream truck so you don't have to be harassed for money all summer long.


Dedicated to Professor R. Branch and the English Composition Class